50 Years
by gleefanatic53
Summary: A look back on them as a couple it's slight AU but it explores emotions.


You've always been self-conscious; the first time I met you.

You had the upper part of your body under the hood of the car talking to a guy with a mohawk while you worked and he handed you tools.  
>Neither of you noticed me till I cleared my throat and his head snapped up. I'm not sure you would have looked had it not been for the "wow" that had come out of his mouth. You glanced out from underneath your arm at me. You quickly stood wiping your hands frantically on a greasy rag shifting nervously from foot to foot. You smiled shyly at me and made a mumbling excuse to go to the back of the garage. Puck gave me a rather sleazy look as he introduced himself but it changed suddenly when he caught my eyes straying to you where you were working on a bike when you caught me looking you abruptly stopped working as the wrench fell out of your hand.<p>

You've always been self-conscious; the fist time I kissed you.

We'd gone out to dinner at out usual place. Through our senior year of high school we met half way at a diner for a date every weekend it made the drive only about 30 minutes for us and it was worth it ever time. We'd done this half a dozen times when you walked me to my car I leaned in and pressed my lips firmly against yours. You bit your lip glanced at my and then got on your bike with out another word. I knew you were self-conscious about your lack of experience. You wouldn't answer my calls all week but I still drove to the diner that weekend and my heart leapt when I saw your bike.

You got better. You didn't always run away when I took us further in our relationship but I knew you were still self-conscious. The fact that you'd never been in a relationship, you didn't have a family, you didn't feel comfortable in your own skin.

That last one I didn't realize until I'd been lying on Puck's couch with you and I found the scars on your wrist. These were different than the rest of your scars and you had a lot of scars. Hiking with your parents, playing soccer with your brother, gears catching fingers while working, a couple cat scratches. Those you were proud of, the ones from spending time with your family gave you hope that they would accept you some day, but these, these were different you pulled your arm from my grasp and wouldn't look at me. I almost couldn't see them but my fingers could feel the groves. You told me one night about them I held you while you cried and it broke my heart how broken you had been. I met you after you were working on getting better and I know you hate when I say that because it means something was wrong but here right now I know you don't mind me saying.

You're self-conscious about being weak.

You got angry the first time I saw you cry you kicked me out then you were guilty. You crawled into my room through the window that night sobbing into my shirt apologizing and I felt another one of your walls fall. I was so proud that night.

Those walls are gone now. You still have them with strangers but every one is guarded with strangers. You would tell me I'm not and that's probably true but you also always tell me I'm an exception.

Two years it took for you to open up to me I was one of four people who knew everything about you. Puck the man who took you in when you needed a home. Quinn who kept you together when you were about to break. Your brother who gave you hope when you felt like you'd lost everything. I owe them so much.

I'm pretty sure I broke your last wall down when I got down on one knee and asked you to marry me. You looked at me like you couldn't believe I'd really want to spend the rest of my life with you. It was exactly one year from the first time we said I love you and two years from the first time we ever met. We were 19. We lived in a small apartment in LA where you owned a garage that did exceptionally well and I danced. We were engaged and you were self-conscious when people asked what his name was. You'd always grip my hand tighter and I'd pull you into my side smiling politely before extending my hand and introducing my self as your fiancé.

You were self-conscious when you were pregnant and I didn't know how to tell you how beautiful you were I spent a lot of nights till around midnight on the couch before you came and got me and snuggled into my side.

I was pregnant next and you were self-conscious of what other people thought when we were out and about with our son and my bulging belly. You always looked around a little frantically held my hand in a death grip and wrapped your arm securely around our son.

You were still self-conscious when you were pregnant with our third and last child but it was better. You were more self-conscious about what people would think about our children and you worried for them a lot. I knew you were always secretly pleased we had our son first he has always taken care of our little girls.

There are so many more moments that I know you worried about but we made it this far and we are surrounded by family right now and I know everyone in this room you consider family because we have always had open arms when it came to family. You've forgiven hurts beyond anything I could imagine. You've swelled with pride more times than I can count but I'll tell you some of my favorites.

Every time you introduce my as your wife I see it shine in your eyes.

When you finally could introduce me to your parents.

When all of our children were born

When any children in this family were born

When we watched our son become a husband

When I gave away our first daughter

When you gave away our second daughter

But most importantly sitting here next to me I see it making you glow because baby 50 years is a really long time and I love you San I always have and I always will for the rest of our lives, Happy 50th Anniversary.


End file.
